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It Takes All "Kinds"

 By Dr. Kent Hokum, PhD

Evolutionists often claim that the story of Noah's Ark as told in Genesis is pure fiction, because ...how could Noah fit all those thousands and thousands of different species onto the ark, and be able to meet all of their requirements for more than a month's time?

Well, now, this just shows that those evolutionists couldn't find their rear-end with their hands in their back pockets. Because what they seem to forget, is that nowhere in the Bible are "many thousands" of species mentioned.  ...In fact, the Bible only mentions... less than 150 kinds of animals.

And we know that many different species today, can still interbreed.  Horses and zebras and donkeys can interbreed and produce offspring.  ...So can lions and tigers, and camels and llamas, and so on.  

What this means is that these species at one time, must have come from a single...kind.  That means there were fewer species that needed to board the ark, back in Noah's time.

So instead of horses, zebras and donkeys, there was just one Equid "kind" 

And instead of wolves, dogs and coyotes, there was just a Canine "kind".  ..Because nowhere in the Bible do you ever see a coy-ote mentioned.  

And instead of lions, tiger, and leopards, there was a Felid "kind"... ya see? .. and a Bovine "kind"... and a Camelid "kind"...  and a Cervid "kind"... and a "rabbit" kind... and so forth...

...So you see, the evolutionists are just demonstrating their incredulity when they say that the logistics of Noah's Ark are impossible.  The reason Noah could fit all those animals onto the Ark, was that before all of those "thousands and thousands" of different species existed today, there were far fewer species back in Noah's time.  

So then when all these different kinds of animals finally disboarded the Ark and dispersed all over the world, they quickly adapted into these new sub-kinds (or "subspecies", as the evolutionists would say)

I’ll bet those evolutionists never thought of that one!  Heheheheheheh!!!!

SANTA CLAUS: MARXIST PROPAGANDA?

By Harpie Dahl, special guest columnist

Each December when I'm taking a drive through the white and pristine, theme-named subdivisions of American Suburbia, I'm like, OMG. I just want to S C R E A M at all the misguided folks who are unwittingly promoting that patron saint of the Marxist/Darwinist secular entitlement agenda.  

Who is that, you may ask? Satan Claws -- (oops, @# spell check!)  I mean "Santa Claus!

Sooooo many Americans have bought into this fable that the beloved, chubby white-bearded fellow in the red suit  "evolved" from the legend of St. Nicholas. But guess what!  ...If you do a GOOGLE search? You'll see that the ORIGINAL portrayals of St. Nicholas generally show him to be a rather thin man with a short beard and bishop’s outfit.

Does *this* resemble the Santa Claus we know today? Not nearly!

Now, the reason this patron saint became associated with the Yuletide holidays was due to a coincidence of timing: both the Feast of St. Nicholas and the Yuletide celebration took place in December. The practice of gift-giving seemed to originate from the historical St. Nicholas’ charitable deeds. So this all kinda got mixed together after awhile.

As the holiday started going viral in central Europe, it incorporated the lore of St. Nicholas as a mythical gift-giving figure who rewarded good children with money, candy and other gifts. However - and it's important to note! - only the good, obedient children were rewarded.

The disobedient children, on the other hand, got a visit from the demonic-looking Krampus, who gave them coal or other unpleasant items.

This Christmas tradition persisted for several centuries, and postcard images of St. Nicholas and Krampus persisted into the late 19th century.

By then the tides of history were changing. In the mid-19th century, Charles Darwin and Karl Marx published screeds that would become the basis for modern liberalism.  St. Nicholas and Krampus were phased out and replaced with a new mythical figure. Gone was the bishop's outfit or any reminder of Christianity. Instead, he wore a secular all-RED suit and sported a full, bushy beard -- just like a couple very notorious figures who were doing their best to corrupt Western culture!

And instead of being referred to as "Saint", this new icon's name was "Santa".  If we re-arrange the letters of "Santa", what do we get?  OMG! So obvious!

Now, don't get me wrong - using mythical characters as a way to celebrate the holidays is fine with me. But whereas the team of St. Nicholas and Krampus created a reward/punishment incentive, “Santa Claus” is basically a godless, secular symbol of handing out free stuff for no reason. (Even though a song or two claim Santa Claus doesn’t reward naughty children, we know that’s really not the case). Now it's the tradition all across America to reward children with free stuff (which they are told are from "Santa") -- whether they deserve it or not.  This creates generations of whiny, entitled brats. "Santa" is really just a sugar-coated Socialist gateway to radical leftism! 

Other elements of the Santa Claus myth also allude to Communism, such as the happy elf workers; the “elf on a shelf” (symbolizing government surveillance) and the sleigh and reindeer — which represent Mother Russia (the real St. Nicholas rode a horse).

A TRUE conservative patriot should demand we return to the more traditional Christmas icons of St. Nicholas and Krampus, instead of perpetuating the narrative that everyone is entitled to receive free stuff!!!!!

...But Do You Know Why The Wind Blows?

By Dr. Ken Baloney, PhD

I was watching the Weather Channel and was quite disappointed in the blatant omission of God and the Bible.  The Bible frequently mentions weather events such as the Great Flood during Noah's time, the Plague of Hail and Elias' power of prayer.   The Bible quite clearly states that God is the cause behind the weather, as we can see from these scriptural examples:

Leviticus 26:4 - Then I will give you rain in due season

Nahum 1:3 - …the LORD hath his way in the whirlwind and in the storm,

1 Samuel 12:18 - So Samuel called unto the LORD; and the LORD sent thunder and rain that day: and all the people greatly feared the LORD and Samuel.

Jonah 1:4 - But the LORD sent out a great wind into the sea,

Can any scientist show us that clouds just form all on their own?  How can any scientist prove this? How can any scientist prove that weather patterns are not directed by a divine force?  You see, the difference between me, Al Roker and other “weather men” is simply a matter of interpreting the data.

The pagan, naturalistic explanation for weather patterns has only lead to increased immorality in the last 150 years, and ever since the advent of broadcast news -- which beams secular "weather reports" into everyone's homes each night -- entire generations have been indoctrinated into believing nontheistic explanations for weather and climate.  Is it any coincidence that rampant immorality virtually exploded with the first generation raised on television…the Baby Boomers?  Because if people don't believe that their behavior causes God to literally rain down meteorological judgment upon them, then who knows what kinds of sins they'll commit!

Al Gore's Detour:   Climate Change Correlates With Corruption 

Evolutionists and other liberals claim that increased fossil fuel consumption is causing the earth's climate to change, which is leading to severe weather.   They call this “anthropogenic climate change”, which means it was caused by mankind’s actions. But just like their other claim about molecules to man, this is just a matter of how one interprets the data.

Of course, we’ve known for millennia that the weather has been anthropogenically caused!  So if we put our Biblical glasses on, we can match the data to increased tolerance towards homosexuality and corrupt, sinful behavior in general.   Now, scientists say that last year was the warmest year ever recorded.  And last year saw an increasing number of states that legalized Sodomite marriages.  The Bible contains many examples of God using the weather and so forth as a form of punishment.  So instead of calling it simply Global Warming Theory, we should call it the Global Sodom and Gomorrah Theory.  

Of course, we as Creationists can demonstrate our unselfish love of the environment by trying to delay the damage done by sin.   You all love polar bears and baby seals, don’t you, kids?  Why should these innocent creatures suffer the consequences of mankind’s wicked ways? By pledging at least $20 to our ministry, we’ll send a box of tuna fish to keep those polar bears from going hungry, and more importantly, keep busy reminding everyone that marriage is between one man and one woman only.

Tracking the Delkasaurus

By Dr. Carl Baughlox, PhD

The Delkasaurus was a very special and unique dinosaur, made famous by its fossil track which was found together with a human footprint.  And this fossil clearly tells a story that validates the Bible.

As you can see quite clearly from this fossil, it was very muddy.  And we know that mud in the fossil record can only mean one thing: ...a major catastrophic flood that covered the entire world, 4,000 years ago! 

So you see -- it's so very clearly obvious that the human was running to get away from this impending flood -- because it was muddy due to the heavy rain that was falling — and he crossed the path of  Delkasaurus.  (Here's our artist's re-creation of this event taking place.)

Now the reason the Delkasaurus is so special is because of the shape of its foot, which had a flat sole, beveled edge and no claws.  Evolutionists like to claim that all dinosaurs had claws on their feet, but as we can see from this highly authentic Delkasaurus print, that was clearly not the case!  Isn't science wonderful, kids? 

Unfortunately, because the Delkasaurus walked so slowly, it missed its chance to board the ark. ... It missed the boat, so to speak.  Just like evolutionists!  But it left its tracks behind to remind us that dinosaurs and man once lived together in Bible times!

Why We’ll Never Ever Answer This One

By Dr. Ken Baloney, PhD

Evolutionists are always asking us, as creation scientists, to explain how a man can be made of clay.  Well, all I can say is that this is top secret classified information that only God would have the answer to.  And I'll explain some very good reasons why we aren't even going to try to make the effort find out.    

It seems that every other week, some gal from COSMOPOLITAN magazine phones our research institute asking us to share this knowledge with them, and every time, we just reply to them that we don't know.   We're not even going to go down that path.  Could you imagine what would happen if the secret got leaked out, how to make a man from clay?  Could you imagine what sort of chaotic world this would become if these trollops got their hands on that kind of information?  I shudder to think - it would spell the end for guys like myself, as well as my friends and political allies.  In the Bible, God said to Eve: “[your husband] shall rule over you” (Gen. 3:16) and I certainly hope it stays that way!    

And Paul wrote:  For man did not come from woman, but woman from man. And man was not created for woman, but woman for man.

The Mystery of Flight 370: A Biblical Explanation

By Dr. Erik Hokum, PhD

We've heard quite a lot about the Malaysia jet Flight 370 that has gone missing, and so far, despite all of the advanced technology we have, science has been unable to locate it.  Well, we here at AnswersInJunkscience offer another theory.

The Bible quite clearly states that there are windows and doors in the heavens.  They were mentioned twice in Genesis, and twice in 2 Kings.  

Genesis 7:11 

In the six hundredth year of Noah's life, in the second month, the seventeenth day of the month, the same day were all the fountains of the great deep broken up, and the windows of heaven were opened.

2 Kings 7:2

Then a lord on whose hand the king leaned answered the man of God, and said, Behold, if the Lord would make windows in heaven, might this thing be?

Psalm 78:23

Though he had commanded the clouds from above, and opened the doors of heaven,

Before Noah's Flood, there was a layer of water over the layer we call the sky.  This layer of water was emptied when God opened Heaven's windows, and this is why the layer of water is no longer there.  But the windows remain.

Records indicate that the aircraft before its disappearance flew up to 45,000 feet, which is past the limit that planes can go.  Airplanes aren't supposed to go any higher than 42,000 feet. And do you know why?  Science doesn't want to tell you why, but this is probably where the windows of Heaven reside.  And if the Bible says it, that settles it.  The atmosphere is made up of 7 layers of 7,000 feet each (because 7 is God’s perfect number).  42,000 feet is the end of the 6th layer where the windows would be.  (The 7th layer was where the water canopy was, before Noah's Flood).

So the plane may very well have flown out of one of Heaven’s windows.

Why don't we have photos of these windows?  Well, as you know, very few people get the opportunity to see the upper limits of the stratosphere, and we’re supposed to believe what the secular scientists tell us. But in fact, most of the “photos” they show us are really just computer renderings.   It also takes faith to be able to see them in your heart, and the secular scientists can't see them because they have no faith.